Hey guys. How are y’all doing?
I’ve had my own fair share of dealing with this feeling, still deal with it sometimes. I guess.
Secondary days school was not one of my favorite because I had alot of unnecessary worries. Mostly about my body. Sometimes I’d get laughed at and it could spoil my whole day. Random comments from my friends, even when they meant no harm affected me in some type of way. Trust me, it was no fun.
There are some things about us that we don’t feel so confident about and when people start pointing them out, it brings about a certain type of insecurity. People feel insecure about so many things, could be feelings of not being smart enough, pretty enough, being too thin or too fat. When people pointed out what they felt was not right, I started to get very self conscious, which was never the case before secondary school.
I thought about this for a while this morning and I realized that most african parents don’t know that they are planting seeds of insecurity in their children, by comparing them to other children. Could be close family friends, cousins or even siblings. For example, a child fails a test and the mom says ” see your coconut head, why can’t you be like your cousin Timi, he’s even two years younger than you oh and he’s not failing like you.” Do you know what happens to that child after hearing comments like that repeatedly from his own mother, he begins to feel like he’s not good enough, he starts idolizing Timi and makes Timi his standard. Then guess what, jealousy sets in and in some cases envy. If he reacts differently. Suddenly he’s not himself anymore. He wants to be like Timi, he wants to talk like Timi but the problem is, he’s not Timi and would never be Timi.
What I’m saying is that sometimes insecurity starts from the home and what’s worse than growing up in an environment where your spirit is crushed. Our homes should be our haven, not the opposite. Comparison among siblings can be quite damaging, for me, I have had enough of comparisons with my siblings to last me a life time lol . I have one elder sister and one younger sister. The elder one is the total opposite of me, she’s extremely focused, kinda introverted, very serious and I’m like this social butterfly. My younger sister is alot more social than I am. People say we look alike and that she’s prettier. Guys I know she’s prettier but why state the obvious everytime. 😭
In school, people never believed my elder sister and I were siblings because we’re so different. At some point it used to bother me because I started feeling like she had set this standard I couldn’t meet up to.
Thing is that I had to remind myself that the fact that we’re family does not mean we have to be the same. As a matter of fact, our uniqueness is more outstanding when we are less alike. If you get compared alot to your siblings or anyone at all, don’t let it affect your personality or how you feel about yourself. Be yourself because that’s your super power.
You can’t stop people from making comparisons but you can choose how you react to them. So sad we live a world where people value you based on what you have or how you look, which you really have no control over (sometimes). You need to have thick skin and remember that you’re jollof 😂 . But seriously, what really matters is seeing yourself how God sees you.
What about when this comparison is done by you? Let’s see what the Bible has got to say about comparison. Let’s do KJV – “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they are measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise.”
So everytime you compare yourself to someone else, you’re being foolish. Chai 😭. Social media has made it so easy to make vain comparisons. Remember people would put up what they want you to see, so stop comparing your real life to someone else’s digital life. Your worth does not lie on instagram likes and comments.Your journey is different from theirs, when you do this, you’re literally telling yourself “I can never be good enough being myself.” The comparisons you should be making is with who you were yesterday and who you are today. I slip and do this sometimes by mistake, you will too, but you don’t have to stay there. Remember Comparison breeds the feeling of “not enough ” and it’s the theif of joy. We all need to improve ourselves on a daily basis, being who God has made us to be.
I have to stop here guys, there’s going to be a second part. I hope you enjoyed reading this. What do you feel about this topic? Have you been through this ? I’ll love to hear your feedback.
Stay blessed ❤